Why I HATE The Bachelor

Last night I had the very unfor­tu­nate tim­ing to sit down on my couch while the last 5 min­utes of The Bach­e­lor were on. For some unknown and embar­rass­ing rea­son I endured them. Why did I do such a thing? I have no idea.

But seri­ously. I hate it. This may be a tad exag­ger­ated, but it’s not a fake rant. My insides gen­uinely stir watch­ing it. It makes me feel sad, angry, and nau­seous at the same time.

Why, you ask? Why such vitriol?

1. It’s FAKE.

Those poor girls that are tear­ing up over whether they’ll get a rose or not…you think they’re really in love with that guy? (What’s his name, Ben?)

No they’re not in love with him. They’re in love with “love”, and by “love” I mean their messed up and manip­u­lated idea of love. Plus, I’d assume they are also quite fond of free exotic vaca­tions, ridicu­lous pam­per­ing, LOTS of make up, spray on tans, high-dollar dresses, and being paraded around on national TV like a Bar­bie doll for mil­lions of ador­ing fans.

That’s what they’re in love with. I’d love to know how many of The Bachelor/Bachelorette mar­riages last longer than 5 years. I’d bet two of my toes that it’s not many.

I have been mar­ried for almost five won­der­ful years, and what I know from my very happy mar­riage is that real love is very dif­fer­ent from the bull-hockey you see on The Bach­e­lor. It’s not always fuzzies and gig­gles. It’s not some fairy tale extrav­a­ganza where you’re whisked around to the most roman­tic places in the world to eat choco­late cov­ered straw­ber­ries and decide whether or not your fickle feel­ings feel like they are in “love” with that par­tic­u­lar per­son in that moment.

No, it’s bet­ter than that. It’s much less dra­matic. More real. Less ooy-gooey. Less but­ter­flies, more com­mit­ment. More like a long-term friend­ship where you would not only die for them, you want to live for them, too. Even when you don’t feel like it and some­times it’s very un-romantic and totally unlike The Bach­e­lor, you want to serve them any­way, because they are yours. They are your best friend and you know that–so you love them and you don’t have to ask your feel­ings what they think about that. Sure there are but­ter­flies, and they are awe­some. But more than fairy-tale in the sky but­ter­flies, they are every­day “I’m so blessed to do life with this per­son” butterflies.

And those are bet­ter. Because they actu­ally last & grow stronger over time, instead of fiz­zling out when the fairy-tale ends.

2. Did you hear me say it’s FAKE?

(Refer to #1)

3. Because it’s basi­cally emo­tional porn.

When I watch it I can’t help but imag­ine all the females around the world watch­ing it, oohhing and aah­hing, say­ing things like “I wish I could find a guy like that…”

(Refer back to #s 1 and 2)

Do you really think you know the real Ben or what­ever his name is from watch­ing this staged-for-ratings show? Yeah, I bet he’s awe­some. He prob­a­bly has lilacs grow­ing out of his chest in lieu of hair. I bet he could chop down a tree with his bare hands and then catch a falling damsel in dis­tress before it hit the ground.

Or…maybe he’s a real guy with VERY real flaws. Flaws like the guys you know. Maybe he’s not near as roman­tic and awe­some when he doesn’t have a crew whose jobs depend on their cre­ativ­ity and a ginor­mous bud­get to pull off his roman­tic stunts.

Fast for­ward five years to when Ben and who­ever he gives the rose to may or may not still be mar­ried. If they are still mar­ried, I’m pre­dict­ing some kind of scene where the lucky girl is cry­ing because she’s real­ized that he’s a jacked-up sin­ner like the rest of us, and she’s scream­ing “Where’s the Ben I met back on The Bachelor?”

So, in con­clu­sion, I really do hate The Bach­e­lor. But a few things to clarify:

What I Am NOT Saying

That if you watch the show you are evil, dumb, or stu­pid. That the show is inher­ently evil. I have friends who watch it for the sheer ridicu­lous­ness or enter­tain­ment value, which I can def­i­nitely see. Or maybe you watch it to admirably poke fun at it like my friend Knox.

What I Am Saying

That if you watch the show, I hope you are dis­cern­ing. Espe­cially if you a) des­per­ately want to be mar­ried or b) are in an unhappy mar­riage and watch­ing the show is some kind of escape where you dream about what could be.

If that is true, please be care­ful and don’t let it lead you into fairy-tale land. Don’t let it give you impos­si­ble expec­ta­tions and decide, “I’m not get­ting mar­ried unless it’s just like that.” I hate to break it to you, but the odds of get­ting pro­posed to with a five carat dia­mond in Tahiti on national TV are pretty slim.

And if your mar­riage is not great, don’t run to that crap to day­dream. Pur­sue your spouse. Go to mar­riage coun­sel­ing. Have much needed, hon­est con­ver­sa­tions that you avoid all the time. I know some of you have it really tough and I hate that. Don’t give up. Dis­cern the things you are try­ing to get from The Bach­e­lor and fig­ure out how to pur­sue those in your mar­riage. The things that the show plays on and distorts–romance and emotion–should be present in a healthy mar­riage. Keep fighting.

Okay. That ends my rant about The Bach­e­lor for now. Thanks for endur­ing it if you’ve read this far. And if you so desire, I’d love to hear your thoughts about the show. Do you watch it? Do you like it or hate it like me?